Lose Myself
by ButtonandaZipper
Summary: *One Shot* Sam is in New York again - without Mercedes. This is how he feels - in a song.


Wow! I was working on/cleaning out my docs(cause I know ya'll still waiting on them updates- lol) when I stumbled across this one shot. Almost deleted it, but I reread it and decided to post it. The song is from JC Chasez's Schizophrenic if you want to hear it. Hope ya like it.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own the story - NOT the characters. Also note the bar mentioned does not exist(at least I don't think so). _The singing is done in Italics_.

No one thought that he would do it, but somehow with him and Coach Sue - of all people - the new crew of Glee kids made it through Regionals all the way to the Nationals in the Big Apple. He was so proud of them. The one snag was the location. He hadn't been to New York since the break up. His and Mercedes.

Being back in the city just reminded him of her. And it still hurt like hell. After a few weeks of him being back in Lima, they tried to keep in touch. A text here and there. But it just didn't feel right and became harder and harder to do. He honestly couldn't remember the last real conversation that they had.

Okay, now that was not true. He remembered - he just didn't want to.

It was their last night together in New York. On the couch after they finally agreed (well, after Mercedes finally got him to agree) to end things. He could still smell her hair. That rose and coconut shampoo she loved. He remembered the way she felt in his arms. No matter how much he tried to forget - his mind wouldn't let him.

The kids were free to explore the city the night before they were to leave and were in good spirits - they had placed in fourth place. After the initial disappointment, they were bummed for maybe an hour and then they were too excited to finally be let loose in the big city to care. Once all the kids had gathered outside in front of the hotel, Sam gave them the details.

"Alright guys! Coach wants everyone back to their rooms by 11 pm. It's 6 pm now, so you have 5 hours to enjoy the city. Please be back on time. If Coach Sue has to come looking for you... It won't be pretty. Now go have fun - you've earned it!"

He couldn't help but smile as he heard their joyous shouts and watched them practically leap away from the hotel.

"Now what am I gonna do for 5 hours?" He wondered.

After a few hours of sight seeing and a quick bite from a small pizzeria, Sam found himself in front of 'Blues Bar & Notes'. The place looked a little run down, but it had a decent sound coming from the band playing so he decided to go and check it out.

The fact that Mercedes had mentioned singing karaoke there once in her last text may or may not had played a part in his choice either.

He found a window seat and ordered a drink. Soon he was more than relaxed and started talking to a few of the regulars. Soon an emcee made their way to the small stage.

"Okay folks - ya'll know what time it is! Octave 8 starts in 10 mins. If you want your 5 mins of fame - see Jax at the bar to sign up now!"

Maybe it was liquid courage, or just being somewhere that he knew she had been, but Sam suddenly found himself walking over to the bar to put his name down to perform. After signing in he ordered himself another drink to calm his nerves. It had been awhile since he'd singed in front of anyone outside of Glee and he felt a little uneasy.

About half an hour later, it was his turn to take the stage. As he was walking towards the stage he finally noticed just how many people were there and he had to focus on the lights to stop himself from trying to make a run for it.

"Um..How's everybody doing tonight? My name's Sam and the song I'm doing for ya'll tonight is 'Lose Myself' by JC Chasez."

He heard a few snickers, which he expected. "Now I know that his album wasn't all that popular, but just let me get this out before ya'll start judging me alright?"

Once the crowd settled down, he picked up the house guitar and started strumming.

 _yea..yeah..ee..yeah.._

A few of the folks in the crowd started catcalling at him and his checks grew warm before he went to the first verse.

 _She loves daffodils, and she keeps 'em on her windowsill,_

 _When the wind blows - her smells fills the room_

 _She dreams in color, but does she know that I love her?_

Memories of him giving her his heart that Valentines day, watching her walk down the halls of McKinley, and seeing her smile flashed quickly through his mind.

 _I'm swimming in my abyss of insecure blues..yeah.._

 _And I'm losing my head.._

 _And I can't get no sleep..._

It had been months since Sam had a good nights sleep. The last night that he did was the last night that they had together.

 _But if I reached out - would you reach out for me? Oh yeahh_

 _I'm knocked unconscious walking on water thinking about you_

 _Don'tcha know that loves intoxicating and I need the abuse?_

 _It's all because I lose myself in you, lose myself in you..._

Making her laugh, being in her arms, hearing her sing - all of his favorite drugs of choice. He felt like he was going through withdrawal with her.

 _I don't wanna be invisible ..I just wanna be compatible.._

 _Longing for something that can only be filled by you, yeah,,_

 _Cause I'm fighting with my confidence - build up my courage - give myself a chance.._

 _Because the only thing I think about is you, yeah.._

 _Do you know that I'm here? Do I even exist?_

He couldn't help but wonder if she missed him as much as he missed her.

 _I'd dance on velvet skies_ \- _with just the thought of one kiss,, yeah_

 _I see the beauty in your strength, babe.._

 _And you fight to keep it in you, yea_

 _But I break down your walls..with my army of love.._

Sam remembered getting her to finally agree to tell everyone that they were a couple again in New York and how happy they were. He tried to blink away the feeling before the tears started. He probably looked like a fool, but he didn't care.

 _Take a journey through my heart_

 _It's a test of fate_

 _As we hold each other close, our spirits gravitate.._

 _Let's drift into forever as our boundaries melt away.._

 _Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking of you.._

 _I find myself intoxicated by this drug.._

 _Sent to my knees_ _cause I'm addicted to your love..._

 _All because I lose myself in you..._

 _Only cause I lose myself in you..._

She was it for him - he knew that there was no one else. Mercedes was still the one that held his heart. He didn't realize how true that was until he started singing this song, and he couldn't change that fact. No matter how hard he tried.

 _All because I lose, I lose myself, in you..._

 _All because I lose myself in you..._

 _If you share with me..Then I'll find you.._

 _And I'll meet ya there..Down in nowhere..._

 _Baby my life is yours - just open up the door.._

Sam would wait. He told her as much almost a year ago and he meant it.

 _I_ _f you share with me..Then I'll find you.._

 _And I'll meet ya there..Down in nowhere...in nowhere.._

 _I can't believe I found you..yeah, yeah, yeah.._

He had to swallow the hard lump of emotions that were now in his throat before singing the last line.

 _All because I - lose. Myself. In you..._

As the last note finally rung out, the bar was silent for what felt like forever to Sam. Then a wave of applause started. Folks were whistling and the catcalls that he could hear were just **scandalous**.

"Thanks ya'll. Good night." was all he could utter before quickly putting down the guitar and making his way out of the bar. When he finally did get outside, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

Then taking one long look at the night sky, Sam began to make his way back to the hotel.


End file.
